I often find myself in situations where I enjoy contributing to a community. I thought I would share with you one such occasion. Brief background: This community post is from a support group for people dealing with a breakup. We’ve all been there, right? A woman came to the community beating herself up for doing all the “wrong things” and believing she could never recover the relationship. Among other responses from the community, here’s mine.
Hi __________,
It’s time to look back on your own life for a while. Re-connect with the kids, even though you probably didn’t actually loose touch with them, they still need your presence in a strong and together sort of way. Unless they are teenagers, of course, in which case, who knows what they need, right? lol
All the crying and anger and pleading are normal stages of grief over a loss, so be comforted that you are not loosing it. Not any more than others who are going through a tough breakup anyway. The anger thing is not the first reaction, but it is one of the more powerful ones, and unfortunately, it’s one of the places we can go a tad over the top.
But listen, you haven’t necessarily made things worse, nor made them better for your outbursts. All you’ve done is made your feelings known. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all of it – whatever happened in the relationship, whether good or bad, and whatever has happened beyond the relationship, too.Mostly, we mistakenly feel a piece of us has suddenly gone missing. Nothing’s gone missing, Cherie. You may feel empty inside, but that’s just your cue to realize you were putting a little too much emphasis on the definition and meaning the relationship gave to your life. Simply stated, YOU are the one who defines and gives meaning to your life, not someone – anyone – else. It’s time to come back to that reality by engaging in a relationship with YOURSELF. Get up, get out. Don’t date for a while. Just have fun exploring your interests, or develop some new ones. What’s most attractive to a guy is a woman who has the kind of confidence and strength that comes from knowing who she is and what she wants.
The relationship that’s now ended for you may be over for good, or it may be over for now. One thing that could turn it around is for you to increase your desirability factor by becoming that secure, independent woman that feels just slightly out of reach. It may turn him around over time, but also realize there is no guarantee either. It may just be over. But YOU are not over. Just the relationship. Keep believing in yourself, look forward, and walk on with your head up and a smile on.